Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish you could order shots online.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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