He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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