'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
