there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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