Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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