hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
