From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And then my night got REAL pukey
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
