i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
