Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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