A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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