4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
