The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
