I hate all girls vehemently.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm sobbing to NWA
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
