oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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