i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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