Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
