I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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