I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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