Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
