Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
