You can't special order awesome
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
