and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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