Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
