it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
