I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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