You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
