So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
