Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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