I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
