I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Randomize
