He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
