I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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