I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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