three words: i give head
three words: not that well
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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