dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
last night I used snow as a chaser
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
