I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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