She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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