i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
