omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm both gender and math confused
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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