I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
