When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
