Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Drunk is not a location!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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