I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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