Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
