He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
