we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
