i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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