So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
