Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
