I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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