Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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